well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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