420 ftw
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
