got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
