omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
