Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
