Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
