my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think I am morally bankrupt
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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