Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
