from now on my penis is your penis
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
