There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
