Banned from zoo.
Again?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
