Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
