I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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