help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
