Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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