I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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