i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
