Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
