Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
