why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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