Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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