Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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