if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
