That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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