The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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