thus making me awesome and them whores
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
