If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Still dying that you shit outside
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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