i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I supernannyed him into submission
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
