I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
