White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
