The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
