Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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