Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
