Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
