p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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