how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That accounts for only three of the penises
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
