Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
