Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
whose parrot is this?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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