Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
