Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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