I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
