Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
