wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize