cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
