ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
