I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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