I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
