We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize