I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
