It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
