Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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