That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
