speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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