i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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