If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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