I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
