i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize