hotel room ftw
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
