I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
