Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
