I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
