you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
