I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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