just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
