i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
