I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
