I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
