I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
