sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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