I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
