Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
