my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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