I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
